ok, so it's been a freaking long time since I posted. I haven't had the time to post---I still don't. but I'm too annoyed and frustrated to get anything else accomplished. perhaps, once I use this lovely little space to blow off some steam, I can get more done tonight.
I've heard criticism about dating Cameron after not being single for very long. Well, I was single for roughly five months before I started dating him. And it wasn't like one of those things where you like the guy for a month first. nope--in fact, you can ask Reffitt, my brothers, my mom, my roommate, and even Cameron, that I swore up and down that Cam and I were just friends and that's all I ever wanted to be.
As many of you may remember, I did a lot of traveling this summer. Let me tell you: all that time on an airplane or riding in a car gives you a lot of time to think. So, think I did--ALOT! I thought about my relationship with Christ, school, what I would do after school, my career, what kind of goals I wanted to achieve and what I had to do to achieve them, and relationships with guys and friends (both girl and guy friends). I began the process of figuring myself out--which I'm still doing and will continue to do until I die.
Amid that process, I found myself in Seattle, WA, visiting not the first guy friend that summer. Little did I know what was in store for me. I fought it like mad; I tried to act natural and remain "friendly but aloof" as girls often try to do when they are beginning to realize that their guy friend does in fact have strong feelings for you. I argued with myself those first few days I was there, even up to the point when Cam asked me to "be his girlfriend." I told him that I was going to have to think about it....it was at that point in my life that I had an epiphany (but I didn't even realize it at the time).
I was so worried that I hadn't spent enough time being single or done enough things without a boy in my life--plus, I didn't WANT to be "tied" down, I didn't WANT a boyfriend; I enjoyed being single and thought that's what I was supposed to be doing. I counted the months that I had been single, and the events that I had not yet participated in but wanted to while I was single.
Then, I realized: Why the hell am I so worried about what other people are going to say about having a b/f so 'soon', all the things I hadn't done yet, and all the 'plans' I had made!! So, I threw caution and my precious plans into the wind and said yes.
I believe it has been the best "reckless" decision of my life. God has used Cameron in more ways than I thought possible. He has helped me grow in my relationship with Christ, taught me selflessness, patience, what it really means to be kind and thoughtful, and many more things.
When I said that I didn't even realize my epiphany, I meant it. I just realized this very evening all the implications and importance that my decision to date Cameron really did mean and still means.
I don't care that I wasn't single the apparently specified amount of time that one is supposed to be single before dating someone else. I don't care that it may have bugged people.
God works in mysterious ways. I realized that those people who are so concerned about the fact that I apparently wasn't "ready" to date anyone, are the same people who have problems of their own. I will listen to their advice, so long as they can show me that they believe and are following their own advice. I realized that I don't have to be single to figure myself out. My journey to find myself out did begin when I was single, but just because I am not--doesn't mean I am depending on someone else for my own self worth. Just because I didn't spend the 'adequate' amount of time searching for meaning in my life while I was single, doesn't mean that my life cannot have meaning while I'm in a dating relationship.
So, if you're one of those people who believes that someone must be single to find your place in life--do it, but don't hold those expectations to others or criticize them (to their face or behind their back) for their own decisions. Treat them with the love, respect, and friendship that you always did.
my sermon for the night...enjoy!
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